I think I’ve finally figured out what the problem is. I think I’m living in Alice In Wonderland, where there are mysterious foods that make you grow smaller. Unfortunately for those of us not living in parallel universes, there are only foods that make you get bigger... if there are cupcakes that shrink you, I definitely want to hear about them (buttercream or not!).
Figuring out how to read about, cook and sample food without, as it was so beautifully put, resembling a penguin pregnant with a panda*, is a challenge I have yet to conquer. Perhaps, as well as the penguin of death, there is the panda of over-indulgence.
This might be the only possible solution...
* The logistics of how this might come to pass are something I don’t want to contemplate. At all.